Don't toy with the copy editor.
“Those guys were literally packing.” -coworker “So they each had suitcases?” -me
me: we've got optimal bonding time
alison: how much more bonding do we need
alison: haven't we done enough
Do me a favor this morning. Draw the curtain and come back to bed. Forget the...– “The Road” by Raymond Carver, from Where Water Comes Together With Other Water (via rainydaysandblankets)
I’m just gonna hide out under a rock listening to the Annie soundtrack over and over until people stop making idiotic statements about people “asking” to be raped…
Feel sharp pain in foot during shower. Ignore it. 20 mins later. Drying hair. Realize nose ring has fallen out and is missing. MIRACULOUSLY find nose ring at the bottom of the tub. That explains the sharp pain in my foot.
Flail of the Day #1630
shlabam: somnule: I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned it here, but one of my small superpowers is the ability to clap with one hand. The sound is small compared with snapping or two-handed claps, but it still… View Post (A video in the post, but a gif here for the fun of it) Outta control. I CAN DO THIS TOO!!!
pondled: mellarkfamilybakery: almacoin: In all three books Katniss just pees once. Still better than seven years and Harry only taking one bath. And someone has to actually tell Harry to have that bath Seriously, I would be so mad if people talked like this about my book. I’m not going to explain every bowel movement, guys. Come on.
I’m tumbling while in a panel about tumblr. You’d love this ivy. You should be running the thing.
schmendrick-the-magician asked: TAG. YOU'RE IT. The rules are you state 10 random facts about yourself. Then go to your ten favorite blogs and tell them they're it. (AYYY YI YI YIIII youre it)
Adventures at the doctor...
so today i went to get bloodwork done and the phlebotomist put a needle into my hand (because my arms just don’t even have any veins in them apparently) and then she said…. “UH OH.” and I said…. “WHAT?!?! WHAT, ‘UH OH’???!” *crickets* So, yeah. Needless to say, I am still alive. But as someone who ALREADY hates needles, that was...
bitter valentines day rant.
okay i really want to know like… what is it about me that makes guys not buy me flowers? I mean, last year we agreed no presents so that’s fine. But this year and every other year of my life. Asking for flowers defeats the purpose. You’re supposed to know to get me flowers. I fucking hate valentines day. I’m not materialistic but this happens EVERY year and it pisses...
And because I haven't already complained on enough...
MY FUCKING EX BOYFRIEND STOLE MY FUCKING IDENTITY. STOLE IT!!!!!!!!!
[TW: Sexual Assault] His lips crushed mine, stopping my protest. He kissed me...– Twilight: Eclipse p. 331 (Bella and Jacob’s first kiss) This is rape culture. Young women are taught to think of this passage - which describes sexual assault - as erotic. Young men are taught to force their will on young women, regardless of any (non)verbal cues, because sex is conquest and women...
there are some people i have to unsubscribe from on facebook because oh okay here’s a photo of some completely demolished cars and underneath it says “don’t blame cars for drunk drivers why blame guns for violent people” Because it is ILLEGAL to drive DRUNK. And this is why drunk assholes will get pulled over (because cops are LOOKING FOR THEM) and breathalyzed and...
shlabam asked: If you could wake up tomorrow with the expert knowledge of how to play a specific musical instrument, which one would it be?
I love when you get emails from people who you don’t actually want to talk to… but you think “oh what the hell, i’ll be polite” so you answer them nicely and as quickly as possible. And these people who never talk to you…who clearly WANT something from you, which is why they contacted you… They don’t reply right away. Or for 24 hours. ...
Dear mom: Please stop watching Fox News. The evil black man is not out to get us all and not everyone on welfare pops out a baby every 18 months just so they can stay unemployed. And furthermore, is between the hours of 9 and 5 really the best time to discuss this? Love, Your employed democrat daughter.
My favorite one is from 30 Rock where people hurt...
beerinabox: hendrixthehipster: lyraeon: But I’ll be honest Overexaggerated infomercial incompetance In and of itself May just be my favorite invention ever the last one